Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
