My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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