Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
