I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
