Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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