just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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