Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
