Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
