He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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