You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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