Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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