I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
