I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So drunk its hurt
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
