i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
