It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
