I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
