I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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