If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
