He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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