Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
