I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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