Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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