xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
