Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
