1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
