what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
