he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
