make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
