He asked to "fluff my boner.."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
