i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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