his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
