Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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