OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
