You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
