im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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