i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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