matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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