Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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