I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
