And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
