yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
