On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
