Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
