You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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