You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
