I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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