What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
