DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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