I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
