I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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