and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
