holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
