hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
