Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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