Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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