dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
