I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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