How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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