all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
